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Ohh, very entertaining, and a lot of the issues I mentioned about the last one are diminished or completely cleared up here! Some of the sentences still could be broken up or given an extra comma, and there was the odd error or stiff sentence here and there, but overall you're clearly improving quite fast.

The characters are well-realized, and overall it's getting to be quite interesting. I especially like Ben's explanation of how Felarya works, and calling it 'the garden of Eden but with poisonous fangs and razor sharp teeth' was rather evocative.

Nicely done.